Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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