I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
