I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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