try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
