That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
