I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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