My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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