I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
vagina is talking i cant
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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