I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
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So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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