If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
