THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
