Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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