You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
