i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
