Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
did i walk over a car last night?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
