He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
