a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
my shit smells like andre
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I have post one night stand depression
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