Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
