he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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