Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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