pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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