It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize