Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
