the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
