its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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