you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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