So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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