So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
