I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
