Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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