he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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