your parents love me but you hate me
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
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