You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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