Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
