once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
