Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
