That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
