I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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