I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
