Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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