Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
