and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
