speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
