I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
