I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
