ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
