you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
