I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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