So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
