good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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