Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
