guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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