I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
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Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
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Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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