i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
