You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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