At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
