one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Congratulations! We have a period
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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