i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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