I just pynch a tree in the face
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
